"But or "And"

“But” or “And”

            I’m an English teacher so writing is just a tiny bit important to my job.  I teach 8^th graders and they just love it!  (By the way, they learn the word sarcasm very quickly in my class).  When they are writing, we work on run-on sentences by combining them with commas and conjunctions.  I tell them, however, that they must pick the right conjunction.  For example, let’s look at the following.

            He bought the batteries for the remote. They were the wrong size.

You would obviously want to join those with the word “but” to show that the batteries are not going to fit.

            He bought the batteries for the remote, but they were the wrong size.

            It starts out positive but then moves to negative.  Choosing the right conjunction is important.  You are probably wondering why in the world I am boring you with an 8^th grade English lesson.  It’s because this lesson has taken on a whole new meaning lately.

            A couple of weeks ago, my husband came home with news that his hours had been cut at work.  Of course, this had to be the day after we toured the college where my son will attend and we saw the bottom line of costs.  (God does have impeccable timing – and a sense of humor).  I’ve been a Christian for many years, but I still went into panic mode.  “What are we going to do?”  “Why us?”  “Why now?”  “God?  Really?”

            Over the next several days a conversation continued between me and God.  I would start with one of my panic-filled questions.  I would feel this soft answer of, “Be still and know that I am God.”  I would begin to answer, “I know, but…”  And HE would interrupt my sentence, and say, “Be still and know that I am God.”  So I would just shut up.  Other times I would start to talk to him, and I could feel him telling me that it was going to be okay because he had it all under control.  I would begin to say, “I know you do, but…” And again, HE would interrupt and tell me, “I know what I am doing, and everything will be okay.”

            Do you see the importance of the conjunction?  When I started my sentence with a positive and then inserted “but,” I negated everything I had just said.  I gave God a compliment and then took it away by saying “but.”  God started his sentence with a positive and used “and” which connected his two positives.

            Which do I want?  Which do I need?  A positive which is taken away by my own negative thinking?  Or why not try it God’s way?  I could use a couple of positives! 

Stages of No

               Kevin and I are so blessed with our two sons Brandon and Ryan.  They are nearly nine years apart, and I’m sure that has had an impact on how we parent both of them.  But they are great kids.  We get compliments on them all the time, and I just smile like the proud mama that I am.

                 But where is the parenting guide?  You know, the how-to for every situation so we know we get it right?  I guess with every child being different and every family being different, there were too many exceptions so the book was too cumbersome to publish.

                There is one area that I’ve been struggling with the last several months.  That is the answer “NO.”  When my kids ask me if they can do something, I guess I feel that there is too much negativity and rudeness to just look at them and say, “No.”  It probably comes from the times that I’ve tried it, and they start asking why.  So I changed to saying other things.  I’ll say, “we’ll see,” or “maybe later” or “not right now.”  And this isn’t working so well. 

                One Sunday after church, Brandon said he was thinking about doing something with one of his friends that week.  I told him, “This is not the week to be adding anything extra.” I then went on to list everything that was going on.  The next day he mentioned it again.  So I took a different approach.  I said, “How are you going to do that when you have to be somewhere else by a certain time?”  That apparently was not enough either.  I guess he thought I was asking him a real question instead of rhetorical question, so he came up with an answer.  The next day, he came to me with the certain time and activity that he wanted to do and a plan to try to work it out.  I again tried to let him see how the schedule looked.  But that didn’t work either.  I finally said, “At this point I feel like I have two answers.  I can throw my hands up and say do whatever you want because that’s what you’re going to do anyway or I can just say NO.  But I feel that both of those are rude answers.”  He got it then.

                I’m not the only parent struggling with this either.  A friend of mine and I were out one afternoon, and one of her kids texted and asked her for an iced coffee drink.  Her mom responded with how it would be melted by the time she got home from 30 minutes away.  Her daughter replied saying not if it were a certain kind of drink.  This teen didn’t get the implied no either. 

                I’ve really thought about these situations and realize I have too many stages of no.  There are times that I do need to think about a request before saying yes or no.  With four of us in the house, sometimes the schedule does get a little hairy so the boys need to give me time to figure it out.  But if the answer is no, I need to be more clear about it.  I need to not be afraid to tell them simply that my answer is no.  I also need to be there as a parent so they can learn how to accept a no as an answer.  I’m sure home won’t be the only place they will hear this answer.

                If I ever try to write a how-to for parents, I think the first chapter will be “The Stages of No.”  Stage one.  The answer is no.  Thank you for asking.  End of chapter.  J

 Lessons from Home 

            Four and a half weeks ago, my sweet daddy had a flare up of his congestive heart failure and was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night.  That led to a three week stay between the hospital and a skilled care facility to get strong enough to come home.  I kept asking if I needed to come home, but my mama said she would need more help when she brought him home.  So I waited. 

            I’ve been at home with them almost two weeks now.  I count it a blessing to be able to take the days off work and for my own family understanding that I’m needed here for a couple of weeks.  I thought I’d share a few lessons from home as an adult child helping out the parents.

 1.   There is no schedule.  Well, I guess there are points in the day that have a schedule.  We know when the various therapists are coming in, but that’s about it.  When we were growing up, daddy had to get up at 4:30 a.m. to go to work, so we were in bed or close to it at 9:00 p.m.  Since no one has to get up at a certain time now, it may be midnight or after before the parents go to bed.  Of course, if the therapist is coming in the morning, there may or may not be sleeping in.  You want to know when meals are served?  Whenever.  They make up names for the times that meals are served.  They’ve always called the midday meal dinner and the evening meal supper.  There is now a dupper.  It’s kind of like brunch since it combines two meals, but it’s around 3:00 or so.  Retired people have a relaxed time schedule.  This girl who lives by a schedule has had to learn to just go with the flow.  

2.  Staying up late makes us all a little silly.  We get tickled at the silliest things, and when mom and I both start laughing, we BOTH snort!  Of course, that makes us laugh even harder.

3.  Be careful.  I’ve been running errands for mom and dad just about every day.  Every time I leave, they both tell me, “Be careful.”  Dad said something about always telling me that, but I said, “I have a 16-year-old who drives now.  I get it.  You can tell me to be careful all you want.” 

4.  Love is in the air.  My dad is 83 and my mom is 71.  They have been married for 52 years.  They still look at each other and say, “I love you” many times throughout the day. 

5.  All Wal-mart stores are not created equal.  I know this isn’t really a “home” lesson, but I have been in 3 different large Wal-mart stores and 3 Neighborhood Markets.  They are not all laid out the same. 

6.  Shopping is harder than it looks.  I am a people pleaser.  I want to make sure people are happy, and that includes buying the right things on my mom’s list.  That may mean 10 phone calls before I leave a store, but I’d rather go to another of the many Wal-mart stores to get the right thing instead of getting the wrong brand or wrong size. 

7.  Criminals are stupid.  Again, this isn’t a home lesson, but my dad and I have watched many episodes of the show “Cops.”  After one lady was told she was under arrest, she asked, “Do I have to go to jail?”  Um. Yes.  Another lady asked if they could go get a slushy on their way to jail because she was thirsty.  Um.  No.  My favorite, though, was when one guy had a medicine bottle with a lid that didn’t fit, and he said, “Someone must have come in and changed all my medicine lids!”  Um. Stupid.

8.  God has blessed me!  Now this isn’t really a new lesson, but being with my parents for the last two weeks has just deepened that lesson.  First, I’m blessed with a husband and two children who miss me but understand that I need to be here.  We’ve talked every day, texted too many times to count, and we’ve even skyped a couple of times so I can see their precious faces.  Second, I’ve been blessed with this time with my parents.  I see the strength that my mom has.  I do not know how she does all she does on her own.  But she never complains.  She always smiles.  She always gives.  I see how both of my parents still rely on God.  Dad can’t see as well as he used to when he read his Bible through every year.  But now he listens to it on his iPad.  (King James Version with a British accent isn’t so bad!)  Their Godly heritage has been passed to their children and their grandchildren.

I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to have such Godly parents, and that saddens me.  However, if you are fortunate enough to still have your parents, stop what you’re doing and call them.  Just let them know you’re thinking about them and love them.  I may never get a chance to be home with my parents by myself again for this length of time.  But I will always remember these two weeks and the sweet parents God has given me. 

Meetings and Data and Students! Oh My!

            This is my 18^th year to be a teacher.  I’ve told many people that I am called to this profession just as ministers are called to their professions.  When I think of other things I could do for a “job,” I can think of things that I can do, but it’s not the same as BEING a teacher for me.  But I’ve struggled as this year started.

            Education in Oklahoma is struggling.  Unfortunately, our Superintendent of Education has made decisions that have negatively affected our system.  I’m definitely not political.  It doesn’t matter what political party she is associated with or which one I am.  I am an educator, though, and I know that changing cut scores after an assessment or dismissing a testing company with no back-up plan in place are not wise decisions.  The lack of a good leader makes it difficult for teachers to do their jobs because we feel like we’re aiming at a constantly moving target.

            I am blessed to work in my school district.  Is it perfect?  No.  Is any district?  No.  I’m hearing more and more about the “best” districts having issues with teachers, parents, and students, and I realize that the grass isn’t always greener.  We seem to be data driven right now, though.  With me being an English teacher, numbers aren’t really my thing.  If I have to analyze one more set of numbers, I may pull my hair out!  I’d rather just teach, please.  J

            The start to this year has been busier than I think it ever has been.  We have more meetings to attend, more responsibilities in the classrooms, and it just seems like there is less time to do the things I love: collaboration with other English teachers and my team and actually developing the lessons I need to teach my students.

            So as the end of week four approached, I was done.  I was tired.  I was discouraged.  I was counting the years until retirement.

            Then Thursday happened.

            My students were learning root words.  The activity was to make flash cards with the root on the front.  The back would have the definition, two or three sample words, and an original sentence.  The students would generally list more than two or three words, so I just added the examples on the board.  I asked for a couple of students to share their sentence, and one student shared a sentence where he had used ALL the sample words we had listed.  It was on!  Many of the other students took that as a challenge.  They started listing more words and then trying to incorporate as many as they could in their sentence.  I admit that some of the sentences didn’t make as much sense as they should have, but the students were taking ownership.  Then I heard the words that changed my day and maybe my year.  One student said, “Wow!  We’re at school, and we’re having fun!  What happened?”  My co-teacher heard another one say, “This is my favorite class!”

            Those are words that will make a teacher’s heart sing!  They are the words we live to hear and often don’t.

            I’m not sharing this for any sort of praise or compliments.  I’m posting this as an encouragement for myself and my fellow educators.  When the meetings start to weigh heavy and the data is staggering, remember why we do what we do. It’s for that one student who gets the concept and challenges the rest of the students to own their learning.

            You know what?  I think I just may make it to retirement after all.

Here We Go Again!

            It is once again the night before school starts.  This will be the eighteenth time I’ve done a first day of school as a teacher, and I have a few thoughts.

            I am blessed to be a teacher.  I truly feel that God has called me to this profession.  Just as God called my husband to be a minister, I feel God called me to work with youth through the public school system.  Because I have followed God’s call in this profession, I feel He continues to bless me.  I do have hard days.  There are even some days I may want to quit.  But when I seriously think about other professions, I know I am where I am supposed to be.

            I am not the only one who thinks summer moved too fast.  I know when students come back tomorrow they will be more interested in what everyone did over the summer than how to read a passage of literature and analyze it.  If I’m ever going to be able to have that conversation, I must make a personal connection.  I need to build quality teacher/student relationships so we can work together to learn for the next 180 school days.

            Behind each student is a family.  Some of those families look a lot like mine: two parents, siblings, pets, middle class, etc.  Some of those families look nothing like I’ve ever experienced.  I must remember that some of these kids are coming from homes where there is no electricity on a regular basis or food every meal or even a stable roof over their head every night.  They may only be at school because it’s a safer place than home.  I must no judge but instead be ready to meet them where they are.

            I also have a family that is heading back to school and routines.  We need to be proactive in spending time together.  I need to remember that they still need me even when I am weary from my day.  I need to remember that they are more important than anything!

            As I look forward to tomorrow, here is my prayer.

            Dear Lord,

            Bless this school year.  Bless the 110 students you have entrusted to my care for this year.  Bless the parents and extended families who are associated with those students.  Bless the administrators who direct the teachers in making good decisions for these students.  And, dear Lord, please bless my own family.  Take care of them while they go to their own classrooms and their own jobs.  Bring us together in the evenings and weekends to continue to grow as a family and to grow in your grace.

            Amen.

Voices in My Head

                I grew up in a conservative, Christian, southern, strict, loving home.  There were times that one or the other parent would say something that I thought was just ridiculous.  I mean, they were old.  Right?  I remember thinking many times, “I’ll never say that to my child.”  Admit it.  We’ve all said that.  

 

                And then it happens.

                My son got his driver’s license this past year.  I remember telling him very soon after that banner day, “If you get a ticket, you’ll have to pay for it.”  Oh wait a minute!  Where’s my dad?  I just know that was his voice saying that!  But it was just the two of us.

                I remember once in my young adult life I shared with my mom some big bill I had to pay.  I had the money to pay it, but I was aggravated that I couldn’t spend that money on something a little more glamorous than a bill.  My mom said, “Well, at least you have the money to pay.”  Several years later, my husband and I had set some money aside only to have to spend it on an unexpected expense.  I heard a voice in the room say, “Well, at least you have the money to pay.”    Yes, I was channeling my mother this time.  I told her about it later.  Her response?  “Hey, you actually do listen to what I say.”  Yes, Mom, I do. 

                I think some of the most blessed conversations I had with my parents (and still have) are about God.  Being raised in the church gave a lot of openings to God being a part of the conversation.  It is that strong faith that they helped nurture that allows me to talk with my own children about God.  Those are the voices that I love to hear guiding me as I talk with my sons about what a great God we serve.

                I have to admit, though, that the best stories are when their voices came back to haunt them.  One of the things my dad said when something was broken or spilled was, “If you were watching what you were doing, that wouldn’t have happened.”  When my older brother brought home his soon-to-be fiancé to meet the family, my mom cooked a dinner any southerner would be proud to eat.  As we were getting things on the table, my dad began pouring tea.  Unfortunately, he spilled a glass.  I quickly said, “If you were watching what you were doing, that wouldn’t have happened.”  Both of my brothers’ jaws dropped and my dad just gave me “that look” and then continued cleaning.  When I went to tell him goodnight that evening, I said, “I’m sorry.”  He just grinned and said, “No you’re not.”  I admitted I’d been waiting a LONG time to be able to tell him that, and I figured I might not get in trouble with company.

                Another time my mom was telling me about some medical bill that they had to pay.  It was pretty large.  Since they are both retired, I was afraid she was telling me this because it was a financial burden.  So I asked if they had the money to pay it.  “Oh yeah, we have it.  I just didn’t want to spend it on that.”  I just calmly smiled and said, “Well, at least you have the money to pay.” 

                Yes, mom.  I really do listen.

               

"I Love My Life!"

               When Brandon was in kindergarten, we lived in Broken Bow, OK.  It was a small town where you interacted with many more people than you ever do in a big city.  One day, his teacher told me how Brandon just brightened her day.  She said he had a big smile on his face as he announced, “I LOVE MY LIFE!” 

                How easy it is for someone so young to declare that they love their life.  I mean how hard can it be?  They have everything handed to them.  They spend time with friends.  They play with toys and watch TV. Their hardest decision is which color to use for their picture. 

                Lately I’ve been thinking of Brandon’s excitement and exclamation.  I wondered if I could say, “I love my life” and mean it.  So I started looking at my life and analyzing it (something I’m sure Brandon didn’t do before he made his exclamation). 

First, I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Does that mean every day is flowers and butterflies?  No, but I know my life is His and He is looking out for me and loves me with an unconditional love.  Second, I’ve been married for 22 years to an amazing husband.  Kevin has seen the best and the worst in me and still loves me every single day.  He does so much for our family and even does the little things just to make my day.  I have two awesome sons.  I get compliments on both of them all the time.  Brandon is a fine Christian young man that has a heart for God and people.  Ryan is young Christian who loves everyone and makes us laugh every day.  I have a job that I can still say I love doing.  Teaching young people is my calling in life.  Yes, we also have a house and the stuff that goes in it.  And I feel blessed beyond measure with what God has entrusted us.  I have friends that continually help me on this road of life and make me a better person.

                Does all this mean, however, that I never worry or have bad days?  Absolutely not.  Things break down.  Bills come due sooner than we need them to.  Sometimes my husband and I have differing opinions on what should be done and how.  I think all parents have had days that they wish they could trade their kids in for someone else’s.  We have had those bad days.  We will have those bad days again.  

However, is that a reason to hate life and live in the lows?  NO!  Look at the good around you!  Look at the blessings God has given!  Take a deep breath and realize what a life you have.

I know I will endeavor to do a better job at this.  Even on the down days that I know will come, I will do my best to look out and proclaim with joyful abandon, “I LOVE MY LIFE!”